should be kept to myself

Leo Bangs

As a product of boredom and lack of inspiration, I now have bangs.

Recently, I’ve been having a pity party for myself due to false hope in my own expectations. Last summer, if you didn’t get the memo, was one of the best summers of my life because it was spent in the south of France, where I frolicked and truly thought I was the queen of Europe. This summer is like the evil step sister to that one. Let me explain:

My first year of college I had a plan for myself, which included many fantasies of becoming famous, studying abroad, interning for a magazine or some sort of publication, dying my hair pink, and definitely knowing wtf I’m doing with my life. Pretty much Absolutely none of those things happened (except for my previously mentioned summer abroad), and that leads me to the self-inflicted disappointment I face today.

According to my college to-do list, this summer was supposed to be the one where I intern for a cool publication, take pride in a trusty by-line and possibly land a career in journalism. THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN, and we’re bitter. The most dismal part of this season has been its mundanity. So what did I do? I put curtains on my forehead and called them bangs.

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I’m not sure if it was a reaction to my seasonal depression or just my unwillingness to actually get my life in order, but I substituted my ambitious goals for a temporary identity crisis.

It’s not that I dislike my bangs. In fact, I really really enjoy them. I think they’ve realigned my face nicely and fixed the uneven cowlicks that sprout from my hairline. The bangs aren’t exactly the problem. It’s more-so what they represent. It’s like I tried to put duct tape on my annual creative drought, if we’re going to get metaphorical. The bangs are a testament to the craving of any modern change in my life. I am stuck in a routine, and I thought fringe would fix it.

I don’t have answers or a solution to this. If anything, I feel quite indifferent to the problem. To be more confusing, I’m not even sure if it is a problem if not just a feeling of being inadequate or unbalanced. I need reassurance that I still have control and am on the right path, but don’t we all?

That’s all I have to offer you all for tonight. Maybe next time, I’ll have pink hair.

–RR

 

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